posted by:knoxmom

Please help me!  I have an almost 3 year old that absolutely will not stop hitting and pushing my 11 month old.  I have tried everything and within minutes he is back at it again.  It is clear that he has a need for attention and does not like it when I give her any attention, but something has to give.  I was hoping by now he would be used to her, but it is just getting worse.  By the way, he is nearly an angel when she is napping and has my full attention.  Please help me with him...my days are getting so frustrating and I feel angry when I see him "abuse" her.

I am sorry to hear that your little boy is having such a hard time and at the same time giving you and his little sister a run for your money. It is pretty common for an only child to find it hard to transition to getting used to a new brother or sister.  Bottom line your son is angry and does not know how to express those feelings.

The solution is not what you need to do about your 3 year old's actions but more so what to do about your reaction.

As hard as it may be, you have to appreciate that for a long time he was the center of everyone’s universe, he has gone from having everyone and everything all to himself to having to share it all with his little sister. The biggest problem he is having with sharing is he has to share you.

Not a lot that can be done about that fact of life, it’s not like you can send his sister back although I am sure he would be thrilled at that suggestion.  Although he is having a difficult time it does not make it ok that he is lashing out, being a bully is not acceptable.

Stay calm. If you get angry then you are just reinforcing that getting angry and lashing out is ok.

The first thing that you should do is give the attention to your daughter, check that she is ok. If you give the attention to your daughter initially it takes the attention away from your son the hitter and puts the onus on the victim your daughter. If in the first instance you ignore the negative behavior then he is likely to stop doing it as he isn’t getting the required attention.

Put your daughter to one side once she is feeling ok, maybe in another room with a toy to play with, and then turn your attention to your son. Remind him that hitting is not allowed. Remind him that he needs to use his words, he can tell you what is upsetting him but hands are not for hitting they are for hugging.

I am a firm believer in time out regardless of the inappropriate behavior, plus one warning one consequence. I would put him in time out for 3 minutes (one minute per year of age) after the time out remind him again that the rule is no hitting.

For this to work you have to be consistent. Your constitution has to be bigger than your child’s will.

If that doesn’t work then I would say that if he can’t be nice to his sister that unfortunately when she goes down for a nap he is going to have to have quiet time by himself. I believe that will get his attention. BUT this is the last resort please try the time out first.

How do I encourage my kids to do more sport? Every day as soon as they're home from school its straight in front of the TV or on goes the xbox. All I want is for them to be doing things with their friends and interacting with other kids of his age - what can I do as I don't want to alienate them.

I would suggest that you let/insist that your children pick one activity that they like and enroll them in it. I would definitely restrict TV and Video games and make this now an earned privilege. As exciting and enjoyable as the games and TV can be they do encourage antisocial behavior if spending a lot of time doing those things alone.

Also encourage your kids to do things with you even if it is taking a walk in the evening.

Set one day aside at your house for having other kids over to do something organized by you for example board games or a treasure hunt, be creative. Your kids may feel more comfortable initially hanging out in their own environment.

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